Friday, July 13, 2018

Opposing Teams...Plural - Yakki Koto Kiku - Session 3



We had a few plans. Leigh was gonna drive us off to somewhere out of the open and then we were going to either disguise the truck or get a different truck. Then I figured I'd set up a distraction or two or three. Leigh commented I was wonderful at distractions which I'm not sure what they're talking about really, but cool, thanks for the compliment.

Anyway, all that sort of went by the wayside when a bullet took out the truck's axle from out of nowhere. I mean, I didn't see it, I was in the back of the truck, but there was a sudden impact and then the truck was skidding to a stop. Then Morgan and I heard some muffled voices and maybe a pistol shot or two. So I did what a good little sneak does and dropped through the maintenance shaft, saw the massively broken axle and some massive guy with an axe slipping like an 80s lawn-toy ad on the oil and two other guys standing back away from him. 

Morgan stepped out as well though she was a bit out of my line of sight and used a dagger to pin the axe man to the ground or something. 


I was trying to line up the bullet holes to find the sniper, but near as I could tell the bullet had come out of the damn sky. I mean, maybe that's a thing? Could be an invisible flying guy with a gun shooting straight down at us. I guess?

One of the other guys, some Neidermeyer with a scepter, was giving out orders and standing next to a guy with a pistol and calling for us to drop our pistols and walk away like good little children. I mean, like those weren't his exact words? But those where his real words.

Not that it mattered, we'd been doing a recon thing and this may be my first heist thing, but even I know enough not to bring a gun, knife, and bulletproof vest to a museum trip. I mean, if I'd brought that stuff, I'd have been buried in a deeper hole in the jail and I might have had to pop at least five more doors or walls out of reality.

Anyway, it looked a bit like things had gone to a standoff so I did the thing. 

It's weird by the way, I mean, everything sort of looks really odd but completely normal all at the same time. I mean, it's sort of like I pinched space together at one point, but that's not what it really feels like. It's just like, I'm already over there and over here at the same time.

Anyway, I came out of hiding and snatched the pistol guy's pistol and the scepter guy's scepter and then stopped being there...or unpinched space...or whatever. And I may have left the pistol guy in a bit of a patch of slow time or something.

I wonder if this sort of stuff has long term effects. I mean, have I left him permanently out of sync with time and it just looks like he's in normal time so nobody notices? Huh. Weird.

But again, that doesn't feel quite what's going on, I mean it looked pretty obvious to me that he could just step back into normal time or was already in normal time, or was in normal and slow time at the same time. I don't really get it and I try not to think about it too much. It gives me a headache.

So the pistol-less guy starts freaking out but Scept-or just starts getting frustrated and I'm pretty damn sure he saw where I was. Which is when he resorts to asking us to leave and says "please."

At which point, Hana seems to have had it with the whole situation and just started walking away. I mean, yeah, we didn't know where the sniper was and even if we won the fight we still had the truck problem to deal with. I mean, this truck wasn't going anywhere. So fuck this fight.

I stood up and followed Hana tossing Scept-Or Tazerface's toy and Pistol-lack's gun off in different directions. Morgan and Leigh followed along behind. And before we could start to get talking much about doubling back and getting the piano back, Hana walked off. I mean, I get it, the whole thing is ridiculous. Unless Napoleon had like some sort of magic piano, this whole audition thing was really, really annoying. 

Anyway, Leigh had figured out the sniper's trick. He had some sort of magic thing he'd put in the scene that he was using to see into it. But that still didn't tell us where he was shooting from. So we did a quick scout around and you won't fucking believe this.

The bastard was in one of the neighboring abandoned buildings and had a sheet of butcher paper on the ceiling with a map showing where he had to shoot straight up so that the bullet would arc back down into a desired place and he was lying on his fucking back shooting straight up into the sky.

I mean, fuck.

No, wait. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Yeah, that covers it. Talk about your math geeks.

Anyway, this just left us with assigning tasks and that was, I'd go for the sniper. Morgan would protect Leigh and Leigh would get the truck that our opposition had put brought in to move the piano again.

This went...sort of well.

I mean, the sniper immediately started juggling his pistol to shoot at me so he definitely saw me coming. But, you know, again, I was already standing next to him, because apparently thanks to Zac, I'm always standing next to everybody? Or something. Eh. Anyway, I cut his face so that blood got into his face and that had him missing me in his spray. 

Down below, Leigh was getting folded in half and Morgan was playing warrior footsie with the axe-guy. And Pistol-lack decided to do a runner, apparently not ready for Morgan calling his bluff. I guess...that's what got explained to me later.

Anyway, at this point I decided to get a little ambitious and thought to turn the guy's belt into a bit of binding, snap the floor under us out of existence and when the floor snapped back into place hopefully it would catch his belt and leave him dangling helplessly in mid-air.

Unfortunately it was a bit too ambitious and all I ended up doing is grabbing his crotch and wave my knife around like some sort of dominatrix in a windbreaker and scarf hiding a bulletproof vest. He responded by trying to angle up the pistol to shoot me in the head. After all that trying not to kill him, you know?

I mean, gratitude!

Pulling up on his pants didn't make him sing soprano and also didn't shift his aim off far, and I took a hit to the bulletproof armor throwing me back.

Owwwwwwwww.

I heard the van start up below during this and sort of a girly scream of frustration and intense pain that may have been Scept-Or Taserface. And then a couple of seconds later the van was driving through the wall of the room the sniper and I were fighting in. 

The. Second. Story. Room.

FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!

Anyway, I just short of snapped my ankle getting out of the way of that and scraped up my face something awful. Then I had to pull the sniper out from under the van, because I just knew it would be moving after this and killing these guys would just be....rude. You know? 

So Leigh skeedaddles out of there.

There being the SECOND FUCKING STORY!

And we went down....IN REVERSE...to pick up Morgan before we skipped out of there.

I mean, yeah, I bend space and time...but not really...but Leigh drives trucks up walls!!!!!

What the fuck?!

Anyway, from there we went off and Morgan called up her guardian or mother or something to give us a safe place to redecorate the truck...van...thingy. And then maybe we were going to get patched up. But like, her clinic or something had donors over, so Morgan had to sit with a bleeding stomach wound and pretend it wasn't there while talking nice to rich people.

Fortunately for Leigh and me, Hana called, or texted and at least she said it was Hana, and it turned out to really be Hana, but maybe I shouldn't immediately assume people texting me are who they say they are, you know what I mean?

We went off to meet Hana and bring her back. Morgan's mother-guardian-person, Saga, I think, was her name, said she'd had enough of us and shooed us out with out doing the medicine thing. And then we went back to deliver the piano to Fredricks.

There were two people waiting for us on the helipad, which Leigh drove up onto, because, again, they can drive up fucking walls! Leigh went to call to make sure they were there to help bring the piano in and when they weren't responding, and the call said they had no associates up here, Morgan went to go eat the guy while the woman tried to anime run past Hana...who clobbered her in the face almost like it wasn't even more than swatting a drunk fly.

So she went unconscious and apparently this was the third team up for audition. The team that had orders to destroy the piano.

I mean...I know we all assumed there was one other team and only asked about the one other team, but damn! I guess that was a mark against us in the team.

But anyway, here we are, piano delivered and maybe next we have a real job to look into.

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